Father

I feel like before I can do anything (schoolwork, career exploration, focus on Christ, etc.) that I have to figure out how politics really work, who really controls this country (or the world), the truth about 9/11, and choose which activism association I really want to get involved in. I want to find refuge in you, knowing that there is no deception in your revelation, so that I can be able to give all of my worries and anxieties and confusion to you and your care. Take for instance, this 9/11 thing or discovering who to trust in mainstream media. Or, which news sources to listen to or being completely overwhelmed with the astonishing abundance of information and opinion on the internet--and knowing who is reputable and who is not. At the end of the day, I want to know that although I might be completely ignorant of what is going on in politics, I can still rest assured that the Gospel is true, that you, Jesus, are alive and that you are governing the world from your throne. I want to still have confidence in apologetics and that what I believe is true, because it provides me with confidence, that even if my whole life's work on a specific issue is completely false that I my foundation is not shaken because you are true.

The problem that arises from this, is that I think it tends to provide me with the opposite of its intention. Namely, I won't really put all of my effort into deciding what is true and who is lying and what not in politics or fighting for a specific cause (like school vouchers or tax-free textbooks) because I just think to myself "it is in God's hands". And so I put some effort into it but not all of my effort. And I feel guilty for doing this.

Maybe what I really want is for the doctrine of the priesthood of all believers to be true. The idea there is no one vocation or field that is more important than the other. That way, even if I believe everything the government tells me about everything, and I am a strength and conditioning coach and don't really worry about politics a great deal, I don't feel inferior to those who do. Or to those who may be running the world through corruption or other sinful means. But the truth is it is very hard to feel that way.

Why is it so hard for me to right out my feelings? Or even not to be rushed. I know that this post is poorly written and highly unorganized, but the reason behind this is that I am so tired that I don't want to go back and edit it or take my time to really think about what I am trying to say. In reality, I just want to eat. That's all I ever want to do now.