12/31

I'm sorry there is doubt. What do i need to focus on? How do i chart my prayers? In order to see if you answer them, i.e. prayers like, if the Holy Spirit is real then please reveal it to me? But, I could make the case that you have by looking at my life, by realizing the reality of acts of the apostles and of the explicit promise of You Lord Jesus in the gospels and in acts, and finally the reality of paul's explicit usage of the term in his letters. You need to understand, that you are not making an argument to an unbeliever--b/c obviously if you were your justifications for believing in the HS would not be legitimate. But, God, when I'm talking to you, being honest with you and where I am at a point right now where if I didn't believe I would be going against not only my conscience but as well as my intellectual honesty.

Time to focus:

1. The first step is believing that it is true. And, as of right now, based on my previous study and thinking, it is only reasonable and logical to believe in you and the Bible. However, obviously, the skeptics are never going to cease to exist. In addition, the thing that makes me most intrigued is that the long-standing (i.e. old) skeptics are still skeptical despite reading and hearing the same arguments I have by Christian Apologist. And furthermore, they have read more in-depth and exhaustive pieces of work yet still they remain skeptical. What is it that I get that they don't? Or, what am I missing that they get?

Let me just be honest for a minute. Yes, I suppose that if you were not true I could be satisfied with this belief b/c I know that I would be intellectually honest. However, just as I always have doubts about you now, despite the overwhelming evidence, I would likewise have doubts about my agnostic or unbeliving worldview. When I read apologetics, I want them to convince me that my choice in being a Christian was the right choice. And although I have improved much better at being intellectually honest with Christian arguments (like the Isa. psg), at the end of the day I am still going to be christian. In short Lord Jesus, I am scared.

In your name,

Amen.

Emily: Christmas Eve

We sing those songs, you know, those Christmas carols, talkikng about how wonderful the incarnation is and how joyous we are because of our redemption. We sing "cast out our sin and enter in". Do I really mean that? B/c, according to James (which is a whole other story), sin is not just what you do, but what you DONT do. How long will I go without just having a personal conversation with Emily? Or not always feel guilty for not talking to her? Or just be able to relax around her and love her?

It is Christmas Eve, and whether or not Christmas is what it is or not is irrelevant, but what I want those most this christmas is just to be able to share with her my feelings, enable her to understand the reality of the gospel, grow in our relationship together, reveal to her the emptiness of mainstream pop culture, explain to her why I am the way am; but, most of all, I want your spirit Lord Jesus, to remove her blindness of sin--her spiritual depravity (Ephesians 2, Romans 5)--and draw her to yourself. And secondly, that I might seize the opprotunities to build my relationship with her. Like, say for instance, tonight when I got home from Church and it was just me and her awake. But, I was too scared, or rather, I was trying to build and hype myself up in the kitchen. And then, just as I made my sleepytime (sleepytime! sleeeeepytime!), and planned on going in and asking her what I should say to people when they ask me how she is doing (seemed like an innocent conversation starter), she asks me to turn on the fan and off the tv so she could go to sleep. Another wasted opprotunity.

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do it. I get scared. I can so relate to Paul when he talks about doing what he doesn't want to do and not doing what he wants to do. How did you deal with it, Jesus? How did you deal with the people that you knew who didn't "get it"? Certainly, you dealt with struggling how to explain yourself clearly to others, what you where going through, what you felt, etc.? Indeed, i'm sure you struggled much more than me!! but, you didn't go in a shell b/c of it. you never avoided serious conversation. yes, father. i realize that i need to, not a need in a sense like I should, but in the sense that I NEED to, to make it in this life, study and apply your life and your word to my everyday life. Which certainly includes apologetics and writing.

Despite my struggles, blessed be you, the most Holy Child. Bottone's baby, you once were! O my! How!! How! How! Thank you for this time of year. Thank you for your grace and your mercy, redeeming me from my sin (Romans 3, ephesians 2). for the wooden manger and the wooden cross. from the cradle to the cross. The reality of you tonite, in the sanctuary, when two or three are gathered you promised you will be there. thank you for grandpa. Be w/ those less fortunate this Christmas.

I stand in awe of Jesus the Nazarene
A sinner, condemned, unclean

Making a Living from the Internet

As we have discussed in class concerning Second Life, many people actually make a living, with no qualifications required (i.e. a college degree), off of the game itself. This is also the case with online auctions such as ebay and internet sites that pay you for completing miscellanous tasks, such as being a "secret shopper" or taking company surveys. This is really an interesting phenomenon, because on one hand I think it is a wonderful way for people to create extra income, fundraise, give, or give those who are unable to work full-time jobs some sort of work. However, I also feel that it can result in people becoming obsessed with making more money, always causing the anxious thought of "i could spend time with my friends or go to small group tonite, but I would rather gather up items to sell on ebay and make some more money. It's such a great opprotunity". In other words, it allows an unlimited potential of continually making money, which can easily become addictive and blind us to the reality of what life is all about. If we can learn contentment and moderation--being content with our finances while at the same time being able to control ourselves when working for online profie--i think this increasingly popular phenomenon can be a positive think. Can someone say "secular view of technology"?

P.S. Click on the ebay logo for an interesting article and video on this subject.